F e a r v s F a i t h

Fear tells us that we’re not enough, that we don’t have what it takes.

Faith tells us that we’re not our savior, that there is One who is enough

Fear tells us to stop cause there’s no way through it.

Faith tells us to keep going as if someOne is carrying us through it.

Fear is feeling like there’s no hope 

Faith is the conviction that hope exists 

Fear is like sinking sand

Faith is like the sunrise

Fear is a safety net

Faith offers a life line

Fear, the uncertainty of an enemy or an ally.

Faith, the certainty of friendship

Fear is not the absence of faith

Faith is not the absence of fear

They coexist.

Fear and faith are like night and day.

After the moon comes the sun.

Fear is the foreshadowing of faith,

... it tells us that something greater is about to come.

Because of fear we call on faith.

Because of faith we conquer fear.

Fear makes us stronger.

Is it Fear VS Faith?

Is it Faith over Fear?

What do we do?

What to do to get rid of fear?

How do we find faith?

I call upon the One who is not faded by fears.

I call upon the One who carries me through my tears.

I call upon the One whose might is like the ocean’s wave.

I call upon the One who broke the power of the grave.

I ride on my fears, like a surfer on his board.

I tell it where to go as the wave carries me through.

Nothing can break the wave apart,

yet when the wave breaks, that’s when I can come through.

I gotta learn how to get on the board, train my muscles so I can stand on it.

In the end, it is not about either fear or faith.

It is about welcoming fear as a part of the journey to find faith.

I was once told “So God is like your crutches”

Proudly i said “yeah, I’ve tried other crutches and they broke. This One hasnt even cracked..
What are your crutches?”

Just a kid

 

I grew up being told that I was just a kid, and that I had no voice.

No matter how hard I tried, even when my GPA in university was never below 3.5, I was never seen as the good kid, nor someone. I was just a kid.

I remember showing my grandma my 3.5 GPA, and she didn’t even look at it, and said “Your brother is such a smart kid”, when he totally failed 10^th grade which resulted in him being in the same year with me. 

I remember my uncle said “Oh who can speak English well, I wanna take them overseas”, and I said “I can”. He went, “Really, no, you can’t speak English, what do you know?”, while my native English speaker teacher told me I have perfect English.

"Your brother sings so well, your brother this, your brother that" 

… and many more. I don't even know where to start if I had to.

These things left scars in my heart and head, and they affected how I looked at myself and who I grew up to be.

When I think of what has been spoken over me or what's done to me, I can guarantee I'd just follow what my dad wanted me to do: going to secretary school, being someone's secretary, and probably ended up marrying some big boss and became their possession. Ugh,, that's rough to even think about.

My soul has been intoxicated by what people say about me, and I've been limited by what I am not good at, or at least what they told me I'm not good at.

I couldn't think of anything other than: 

"I have no voice, so I won't say anything" --> timid, passive

               or

"I have to fight for my voice, I gotta prove them that I have one" --> strive, rebel

I was the fearFULL one in terms of what I could do; and never think I'd ever do anything cause I'm good for nothing. I just followed, did what I was told to.

  

-------->        Fast forward into my life now. 

I have now been in missions for the past 8 years.

I've been staffing discipleship schools; discipling people, mentoring people in being a disciple and a discipler, leading people on mission trips to many nations, leading worship for hundreds, confronted people, spoke in front of people, etc.

What the heck happened to me?

Did I fight all the people who told me stuff?

Did I study hard to prove something?

Did I do anything at all?

Sorry, I never know how to do all those, nor where to find the right thing to say or do.

What changed for me? How did I get out of that some sort of 'prison'? 

In my fear, I cling on to the Lord.

Yes, I am that clingy to Him, and I'm fine with that.

People say religion is just a crutch.

And many get offended.

I'm cool to say that Jesus is my crutch!

I'm soooo needy clingy to Him.

And in being clingy to Him, my life just turned upside down, back to where it's supposed to be.

So far, I had a great 8 years serving the Lord in traditional missions context.

I traveled to places telling people about Jesus, praying for them, etc.

I've enjoyed the beauty of seeing people grow, seeing them go deeper with the Lord, seeing them live free in Him, and many more.

I feel so honored and privileged seeing how God uses me for what I call amazing things and all that jazz.

Being in a Christian world, it seems like it’s THE THING to do, the thing to achieve.

Have I achieved much then? How many disciples have I made? How many souls have I won for Him? I never count them, so I don’t know. Personally, statistics aren’t good for my heart cause it makes me proud and dependent on my strength and ability and it creates more striving.

Throughout these years (I sound like an old lady hahaha), God has been teaching me to really know who I am then I know what I want to or can do.

As I lean in hearing His voice about who I am, I find myself moving away from what people have said about me.

And the cool thing is, His voice is like the voice of home to me, my heart recognizes the voice of Him that created me. His voice revives the real me inside, and fades all the other noise out. I still hear the noise but my heart and soul straight away recognize that those aren't the voice that makes me, me.

And the more I get to hear from Him of who I am, it enables me to hear what He says about people more.

I get to see WHO THEY ARE as who they are, not who they are cause they do or not do something.

In the end, WHOSE VOICE am I listening to?

Who am I? -- I heard His voice telling me who I am.

What do I do? -- knowing who I am in Him helps me see what He loves doing and I find out that I love doing it, too.

Is this whole thing Truth or ,again, merely someone's opinion?

Jesus said, “No longer do I call you servant for a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing” – John 15:15.

In that same verse, Jesus said that He called us friends for He has made known to us everything He heard from the Father.

A SERVANT – one who is simply told WHAT TO DO.

A FRIEND – relational, a LOVED one, who knows everything the friend does and wants.

If I focus on what I do and can or can't do, then I'm a servant. 

If I know my Friend close enough, I see what He sees.

If I see me as a servant, I see other people as servants, too.

I don't know how I get to be who I am today but all I know is I truly enjoy my life now.

I enjoy leading people to Him.

Whoever comes across my path, I'll make sure they get to hear the voice inside me, cause it's simply the same voice inside them.

And I can't agree more that I'm just a kid, I'm forever the almighty Father's kid.

And a kid needs his/her Father.

Questions to reflect on:

- who am I?
- Is who I am the basis of what I do?
Or

- Do I let what I do & not do define who I am?

Words

empty words let soul wander

flattery leaves hearts in restless hunger

sincere words let soul thrive

words of God call hearts to come alive

New Place, Down Under

So I've finally moved to Down Under, and it's been more than 5 months now.
It hasn't been easy but DAD's been super good in helping me press on with my time here.

D I F F E R E N C E S in cultures and ways of doing things are definitely big things to adjust to.
As difficult as it is, I'm actually getting to enjoy this place more, and get to be myself more and more.

If I could say what the important thing in moving to a new place is, it would be:

not saying a word for at least the first three months cause things are different from the place you were before.
Speaking out the differences will only make you feel more attached to the previous place, and that will only bring complaints and comparisons.

The way to embrace a new place would be:
just learn that there is another way to do things and it'll take time to learn new ways. 

What will help learning that there is another way is to spend time with the people in the new place cause people make the place. Getting to know the people will help you know more about the place.

It is as uncomfortable as heck but it's just the way it is.

I am committing two years in this place.
I may not always be doing NEW THINGS but for sure I'm doing things ANEW.

What remains the same would be:
I have a DAD and He's with me
 

Love DAD

Live Love

Love People

Love Life

My new home is:

New Castle

The Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Timo Cruz

Fear, go away

I see enemies on my sight
i don't know if i could win this fight
O fear, go away
for my Dear isn't away

You darkness try to pick a fight,
but you ain't gonna show your might
coz my Light is gonna shine so bright
that you gotta take the flight

Fear wants to show its way
but I'm not gonna sway
'cuz I know i'm just a prayer away
to get to the only WAY

I was feeling so overwhelmed and I sat here with Dad, asking Him to save me from my fear.
Then I got my computer, get on this blog of mine and started writing those words.

Now I'm just gonna sing:

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

Home alone?

Merry Christmas!

This year's Christmas is the most quiet Christmas I had for the past 4-5 years.
I was home all by myself. Everyone else went out. I knew I was going to be alone but it still wasn't a nice feeling being alone. I went in the kitchen making noodles and in my mind I said: "here I am home alone again."
And to my surprise, a pop song I haven't heard nor sung for a long time suddenly played in my mind, saying, "I love you more than anything even though no one knows about it"
And I heard a voice in my head: "who said you're all alone?"

I was reminded that I'm not all alone..
Thank you, Dad

Then I went into the livingroom, sat down, turned on the TV, watching Home Alone. Hahaha.. Home alone watching home alone! And it was dubbed! Sucks!
After I finished my noodles, I turned it off and picked up my guitar. I started singing a song to Dad, "I love you, Lord, I just wanna say I love you as simple as it sounds" in response to what He told me earlier in the kitchen.
I really enjoyed the moment. As soon as I began to feel His presence, I started hearing birds chirping outside. It was so loud that it caught my attention. I stopped.
It was so unusual coz I've never heard any birds chirping outside the house before.

"I told you you're not alone" - the voice in my heart said.

I knew straight away who was speaking. I recognize my Dad's voice.
Wow, thank you, Dad, for sending the birds to sing with me. It was so beautiful.

I continued singing and in the end, I came up with a new song on my lips.
I was reminded of a theme Dad once told me when I wanted to write a song to Him. It was about: His love is better than life; a theme in Psalms 63.

In the end, I managed to write a song within half an hour. It was a song that is so uplifting and encouraging for me as I'm currently going through a rather difficult time of my life.
He's been teaching me to respond in the right way otherwise I'd be consumed by my own emotion.

Allow me to share the lyrics:

Jesus, your love has made me see
there's none compares to Your loving ways
Your light has come, it saves me from myself
And I declare:
Your love sets me free
Your love makes me whole
Chorus:
Your steadfast love is better than life
My lips shall praise You
My soul will be satisfied
I will bless You as long as I live
Bridge:
There's none compares
To your saving grace
Your kingdom rejoice

Thank You for letting me be home alone so I can be alone with You, Dad.
Thank you for the birds that sang with me for hours and hours.

Psalms 63:
3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.
4 So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.